Disclaimer**** The views expressed here are mine and not shared by or expressed by anyone but myself and shared purely as a means to open up a discussion about gossiping.****
Gossiping can ruin families, careers, relationships and even our peace of mind, because it really is defamation of character. It hurts our feelings, makes us wonder why, makes us grieve, puts us in shock and makes us feel confused. These effects are compounded especially when we have treated those we care about with: loyalty, emotional support, decorum, love and respect and it hurts even more when it is our own: family, friends and co-worker that engages in it.
Reputations can be destroyed and years of education and hard work lost over gossiping and defamation of character, so it behooves you not to take it lightly and to protect your reputation even if it is a family member engaging in this unstable behavior. So how do you deal with those who gossip or try to defame your character? Contact a Lawyer whose specialty is in defamation of character so that she or he can inform you on the legal and proper ways to proceed even it is a family member.
In the meantime, try these helpful hints for your peace of mind. The gossiper thinks that her or his power remains in that you will never know who is doing the gossiping, so they can ignorantly move about hidden as they devise a plan to ruin your life, as if they really had that unstoppable power. The truth is, that the gossiper is mentally unstable because to choose to make themselves look so unstable tells you that they have no self-esteem and to waste what little life one has on ruining someone is else is not the task of someone who is mentally stable. We as humans are wired to be happy and to pursue the things that will make our lives more happier.
The gossiper feels that you have something that she or he wishes they had and is taking revenge on you for this and in a way trying to steal it from you. They can’t do alone so they enlist the help of people they that think are stupid, as mentally unstable as they are, and have no back bone so that they can also control them like puppets, so they go about to brainwash people, to show them how they are also unstable and miserable and should rally with the gossip against you so they can right this wrong.
The gossiper wishes is to isolate you and in their unstable mind they are punishing you and taking away from you what they feel should be theirs, but never will be. It could be that the gossiper tried to control you but couldn’t, feels you are smarter, more attractive, you may have a beautiful smile, and they can’t afford dental work, or they wish that they had a relationship like you have with your mother, or they wish that they could have your body, or personality, or your job, they may even want your significant other, your house or your child. Remember it’s irrational and she or he feels bad about her or himself, feels that she or he has no life and no power over her or his life so they choose a scapegoat and to unleash power on you, so they have a sense of control. So how do you deal with those who gossip?
1. Isolate Who Is Doing The Gossiping
This is the easiest part. You know how a professor knows when someone plagiarizes? Because everyone speaks the way they write. If you were to hear me talk after reading this article you’d say..”Yup! She wrote that!”
That is how you isolate the gossiper. You keep a diary! You’ll have to keep a pen and paper handy always. Write down the time, date, what the person was wearing, location and the persons reaction when you utter a phrase and write the phrase verbatim of what you tell the person you spoke to, speak to them alone. Let it be something truthful about you and change the information that you give and make it juicy and like something that you think someone would want to pass along. The phrase will come back to you and when it does you’ll know exactly who is gossiping. This never fails! If you are being catfished use this same tool and you’ll know who it is.
2. Speak With The Person Who Brings You The Gossip
Speak with the person who brings you the gossip and hear what they have to say. Answer any questions that they may have. Also share with the person who brings you the gossip that you know who is doing the gossiping and don’t give them an account of how you know. The truth of the matter is, if someone is loyal to you, they will not listen to, or engage with the person who is gossiping about you. And they will not interrogate you and became angry and disrespectful with you when you are not showing any signs of what the gossiper is saying. They instead will tell the gossiper that their allegiance is to you and if they persist in continuing to gossip about you that they will take legal action. So if people in your life that are important to you is still in close friendly communication with the gossiper they have made their choice, but you don’t have to allow yourself to be victimized by those who you love.
When those whom you love use this gossip against you and interrogate and accuse you of the things that the gossiper is saying. It may hurt, but realize that you are dealing with someone who is not very smart, has no common sense, because who chooses a gossiper over a family member, friend or coworker that has been good to you, has no mind of their own, has no back bone and is also ruining your reputation. You can seek family counseling and follow what your lawyer advices. You might even consider explaining to this family member or friend that you wish to take a break from interacting with them and why. Block them from all of your social media. Remember that the gossips may catfish so only post what can not be used against you.
3. Speak With The Person Who Is Gossiping
Explain to the gossiper that you know it was she/ he that spread the gossip, but don’t explain how you know. Let them know that you have already contacted a lawyer and intend to proceed with filing a motion to sue her or him for defamation of character, if they continue to gossip about you. Follow what you lawyer is telling you to do and keep changing up the message that you are sending out keep notes on the persons that you share your catch phrase and the information that I mentioned earlier. Keep your lawyer abreast of what is happening. This should make the gossiping go away but if it does not, follow through with what your lawyer advises. I hope this helps.
4. Take Care Of Yourself
If the gossiping is really causing you harm emotionally see a therapist, remember your chart is admissible in court as an exhibit. Any judge that accepts exhibits from one party and not from you is not practicing law and you can have you lawyer motion to have your case removed from that judge who is prejudiced against you and have another judge listen to the case. Keep your spiritual life active. Make new friends, Keep a journal and remember that there is always a law abiding solution to every challenge. Good luck!